FILE UNDER: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% malted barley.
Here's the scene: It's 9:00 am Sunday morning. For the past half hour I have been pulling seemingly unrelated pieces of junk out of my house and piling them in the backyard. A couple buckets, two propane tanks, some coolers, a tightly coiled, highly polished copper whatever-mabob, a very large stainless steal pot and its smaller cousin, plastic bag after plastic bag with unknown payloads and, to top it all off, an oar. From the neighbor's view, I am either going away to Chemistry Camp or building a bomb. And I haven't even lit the 210,000 BTU Bayou Classic propane burner yet.
The burner has me a little spooked, to be honest. Once you hear the hell-fire-hiss and feel the pillows of escaping heat bombarding your face when it does it's thing, it puts a little fear in you, hence my tentative stance as I go to light it in the above photograph. PssssssssssssssssssssssssssFFFFOOOOOOOOTT! That's sort of what it sounds like when you're right up next to it and it finally ignites. Then, it lets out an ungodly HAW that persists until we turn it off.
The Bayou Classic, however scary, is one bad-ass piece of equipment, and something so important to our process that we'd be out of business without it. 210,000 BTUs can boil ten gallons of 50 degree water in ten minutes. Yes, I know. That is pretty impressive.
While boiling things super fast, and the hissing blue flames and all are really super cool, self-amusement is not our ultimate goal. For today we make the eighth iteration of our wheat beer and hitting our temperatures is important. Wait? What? Hitting our what? OK, here we go...
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Bayou Classic 210,000 BTU Burner |
A quick lesson in beer making:
1.) Steep cracked malted grains in water to convert starches to sugars
2.) Boil, adding hops for bitterness, flavor and aroma
3.) Cool
4.) Add Yeast
5.) Allow to ferment
6.) Bottle
7.) Allow to carbonate
8.) Drink
When I wrote that little piece of obvious beer-geek jargon, 'hitting our temperatures', I was referring to step #1 - Steeping. Steeping is much like making a cup of tea. Add hot water and let sit. Steep too long and the tea will be bitter. Steep too short and the tea will be weak. Timing is extremely important in tea and in beer.
Unlike tea, however, our wheat beer requires that the grains steep at certain temperatures for certain periods of time, and that the temperatures be raised significantly as we go. Also, instead of a tea cup, we use a converted Coleman Xtreme Cooler that has been retrofitted with a draining system of our own design. All of these things complicate matters, and can easily trip one up on one's way to making good beer. Questions such as, "How am I supposed to raise this mash from 104 degrees to 140 degrees if I can't apply direct heat?" might be thrown around. The answer, of course, is to add a certain volume of boiling water. That is where the Bayou Classic comes in.
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The Mash Tun Covered With Towels |
So our plan was to hit 104 and then rest a half hour, then go to 140 for another half, then to 158 for an hour then 170 for 20 minutes. Using the numbers I had crunched all week, we added our first volume of water to the grain sitting in our converted Coleman cooler/mash tun and WHAT?!?!?!? 112 degrees!!! OH NO!!!
We fucked up. All of our following numbers were based on us hitting 104. Now what? This is when Willy Wonka's assertion that invention is mostly perspiration began to ring in my ears. We are off the script.
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Mr. Wonka |
We adjusted the volume of boiling water for the next infusion. Hoping to hit 140, we came up at about 127!
"What's the matter, Mr. Wonka, too hot?"
"Too cold! Far too cold."
If it were only as easy as adding an old, dusty coat to the brew to raise the temperature! With no other options, we weighed a gallon of water, boiled it and slowly added it to the mash tun until we hit 140 degrees. Then we weighed the water again, calculated the difference and realized that we were about 2 quarts ahead of where we should be in total volume. Fine! We can live with that.
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20 Gallon Brewpot |
We hit our next temperatures right on, drained the bad boy into our twenty gallon brew pot,
sparged with another 8 gallons of water and were ready for the boil.
The rest of afternoon was easy, but during those uncertain moments when we were bouncing between temperatures and volumes of water - the 93% perspiration part - we learned something. You have to roll with the punches. Even the best laid plans can backfire, the most crunched up numbers can be wrong. When shit goes down, you can either abandon ship or grab the bail bucket. We managed to bail ourselves out, by using our brains and by not giving up.
I can imagine that some of you readers out there must be wondering just what happens if we don't hit our temperatures. Well, let me tell you, it would not be pretty. You ever see that movie 'The Blob'? Something like that.
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Beer gone bad. THE BLOB!!! |
In all honesty, not hitting our temperatures can change the character of the beer greatly. A very malty beer can become a thin, highly alcoholic brew. A clear beer can become a cloudy one. Most importantly, though, we need precise practices to allow us to compare one brew to the next, thus allowing us to make good beer better, to constantly improve upon the last one. We want to make good beer. Good practices make good beer. Tighly controlled practices are good practices.
Anyways, after the boil we came upon our second area in dire need of improvement - cooling down the
wort. See you can't just throw yeast into 212 degree wort and expect it to do anything other than gracefully pass away. In a perfect world, you throw the yeast into about 72 degree wort. The challenge is to reduce the temperature of the wort by 140 degrees as quickly as possible. On Sunday it took 40 minutes, which is long enough for a variety of wild yeasts and bacterias to set up shop in our wort, but these are discussions are for another day.
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Bubbles! |
I'll end with this: One of Willy Wonka's lesser known quotes goes like this: "Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink - yet." As our boiling pot continually boiled over last Sunday, leaving green hops residue all over my driveway, and foamy bubbles up and down the sides of the brewpot, I was thinking the same exact thing. Good call, Willy.
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